A new Year….. reflecting back

Reflecting back is a dangerous thing to do …… it sucks you back to a time where you may or may not have been so stable…..  getting sucked back into time, it’s bitter-sweet, so much has been learned in such a short period of time.

Scott, he lost his courageous battle with cancer this past November, which was roughly the time in which I lost my dad a few years ago.  To say that it’s taken a toll on me, is correct, but not in the way that it would affect most people.   Scott left a legacy for his children, something to be proud of and to take pride in knowing that he came to know that Lord before death came  – what a gift that was to witness, what a gift it has been to watch his wife give of herself so freely and not be so selfish in doing so, she lost so much during that time with Scott, but she gained so much in return…..  I personally have never, EVER, Learned as much about love as what I have this past year.  

With Valentines being right around the corner, I can’t help but be reflective of what I have learned and how it’s changed me, made me better because of it.  It’s so sad to know that our loved ones are gone, but it’s so amazing to see what has transpired through it all, how it changes people, how devoted they become, how they push harder to be “something” and how they work through the process and learning and becoming….   it makes me think of a childhood song that my aunt taught my sister and I (Cindy, she was always singing, I love that about her!!)  “He’s still working on me, to make me what I ought to be, it took him just a week to make the moon and the starts………..   there really ought to be a sign upon my heart, don’t judge me yet, there is an unfinished part……….  he’s still working on me….”        I am unfinished, I have so much to learn, so much to express, so much to seek, so much to find, but I myself, can no longer push to find it all, for when I do, I am a wondering sheep without his Shepard, I need to learn to let God lead me and show me the way.

Scott’s death was a wakeup call, a “I finally get it Lord!” moment!  My art has suffered because of it all, because I wasn’t letting the Lord move inside of me, seeking me and guiding me to where I needed to be, it became about the money, what can I make off of these, instead of about enjoying the process, and just letting the Lord work through me and show me where I needed to be and what I needed to be doing. 

I am not saying I have it figured out!! LOL!!  I am not saying that I know that when I sit down to play with the clay that it’s the Lord’s hands at work, and not me trying to take control of the situation and trying to rework it so it’s my work…. LOL!!  Trust me, that part I don’t have down yet, but I am learning to be still and listen to what is inside of my heart, to let the Lord speak through me and my art –

This – letting the Lord speak through me, and taking the credit for what he is creating – is a new process for me.  This is me learning, and the Lord teaching me, this is because the Lord has shown me, through Wednesday Night Church, studying through the book by C.J. Mahaney, called HUMILITY– I have learned that I am a selfish, prideful person, who is always self seeking, and all of this is not how Christ was for me……..   I need to give of myself and serve, let the Lord take the credit, and know that I am nothing without him….

A year of reflecting back is not always so good to do, but seeking out what the Lord has in store for us today and the next, now that is something worth seeking as is giving the Lord Credit when credit is very much Due!!

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About tinat

I am a Polymer Clay Bead Artist. I have been beading for almost 4 years. Polymer Clay is just a wonderful art medium that there just seems to have NO end to what a person can do!
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2 Responses to A new Year….. reflecting back

  1. What you sais:”but seeking out what the Lord has in store for us today and the next, now that is something worth seeking as is giving the Lord Credit when credit is very much Due!!”

    Your entry for today gave me goose bumps and made my hair stand up on end on my arms. Everything you said today, is right on.
    Take Care!
    Stephanie Bargelski

  2. tinat says:

    You know Stephanie, when the Lord speaks, He speaks! :0) I am trying really hard to seek him out each and every day for I know if and when I do I’ll be drawn nearer to him and more able to do the work that He has in mind for me…..

    Bless you for posting again!! :0)

    ~Tina T.

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